The Story of Sam Weich-Ch.1

Hi. My name is Sammy. People call me Sam. Sam Wheich. My parents are soup makers,but the irony doesn't stop there. Look,trust me when I tell you this,but my head is an actual sandwhich. No,no,no,no;I'm not in a mental hospital as I speak,and you're not crazy either. My head consists of two pieces of bread,with bologna,cheese,lettuce,and mustard in between them. Keeping them together is an olive on a toothpick,which also happens to be my cutie mark. And yes,I can see,hear,speak clearly,and-strangest of all-eat. It's funny-this cutie mark stuff is what led me to the accident. It all worked out,though,and I grew up and undid everything. I guess you're wondering exactly what happened and how it was fixed. Well first,some background.

Like I said,my parents were in the soup business. Of all the interesting talents for a couple of ponies to acquire,soup making would prolly fall a notch above rock farming. But when my dad moved with my mom,they took up her mom's soup kitchen in Trotsworth. My mom was modern yet simple,my dad old fashioned yet a tough nut to crack. Their names were Fusillia and Jack. Anyway,why my dad would want to live so simply with her isn't important,what is important is I was their only colt living in a town where there was still apprenticeship,and schooling was less common. Until we moved to Ponyville and cutiemarks became relevant.

I was always a lonely kid growing up in Trotsworth,and nothing really changed when I got to Ponyville some time after Discord was banished a second time. I was a yellow,orange maned unicorn colt with a sort of condition that was already a pain in the flank. See,there's this fairly common disorder among unicorn fillies known as Magical Spasms. It basically meant I couldn't control my magic that good yet,so sparks would randomly shoot out. It never really caused anything big until the accident,usually just caused a fire to stomp out. My eyes...oh how I miss my beautiful blue eyes. Anyways,I went to school,but seemed to have some cutie mark issues.

I didn't exactly have any guidance at home. The soup business would never,ever,ever be an option. It was just too lame,to me. The other kids got their marks-actually,all but 3 were marked when I joined the class-so I was sort of an outcast. Those 3 blank flanks were fillies,and due to how lost I was,I sucked at talking to girls. Especially the red-head,she gave me all kinds of butterflies. One day I got the guts to ask her if wanted to take a walk with me in the labyrinth,we were both blanks and all,and she agreed.

Anyway,we were walking and passed by the statue of Discord. Oh right,my dad was Discrodant,so he sorta worshiped the enemy. I had a scrap of belief from growing up with him. I wasn't very religious,but downright desperate for a cutie mark. I told Applebloom to give me a minute,that I wanted a moment alone. She knew about my whacked out beliefs when I told her on the way,so she went to look at another beautiful gray statue.
    I walked up to the regally chaotic looking statue,composed of white marble. I knelt to its base and lowered my head.
"My dear Lord chaos,sir
I began to sing.

I have a wish,so hear my pleas.
I have no cutie mark.
And that is all I really need.
I'm not worthy,my Lord.
But can you hear my pleading word"

As I lowered my head to kiss the base of the statue,I hiccuped,causing a Magical Spasm. A large one. The blue sparks flew onto the statue,and at once the statue began to glow red. I backed away,frightened as expected for a colt. I could see Applebloom in the distance,frozen by the initial shock as the statue slowly cracked to life from the top. I hear her scream and run to me. She tugs at my hoof,but I'm paralyzed with fear and excitement. "I'm finally getting a cutiemark,Applebloom!" I yell excitedly. "No you're not,Sammy,get out of here!" she begs.

"Go on without me,I need to see this."
"But Sammy..."
"Leave! This is my destiny!"

"Oh,how adorable." teases a sinister sounding voice. We turn towards the sound,finding the spirit of chaos freed from wings up. Luckily he couldn't move,and,even more convenient,he was able to use his magic...um...claws and talons.  "It seems the blank flank freaks have each other,how cuuuuuute."
"Lay off,Discord,Sammy ain't a freak!" snaps Applebloom.
"Of course he's not,he DID free me,after all. Partially anyway. Now,about those flanks of yours...."
"I am not worthy!" I blurted.
"Yeah,yeah,kid,for freeing me,I'm gonna give you something special" Discord taunts.
"Is it a cutie mark?"
"Oh I'll give you that,and more." he says with a wicked,one tooth grin. "I suppose your lady friend wants one,too?"
"Uh,Applejack said to never take candy from strangers,so I don't feel like taking cutie marks from a draconequus,so bye!" Applebloom said quickly,before darting away from the labyrinth. I look at Discord,silently telling him to go about with this cutie mark business. He nodded and snapped his talons. Before I can ask what exactly he meant by "and more",he turns himself back into stone,leaving his lion's paw free to undo it whenever he wanted. I should've gotten suspicious when he decided to play possum,but I was too excited for my cutie mark to notice what he did to me.

Excitedly,I gallop towards the schoolhouse,where I should have been 10 minutes ago. I burst into the door. "I DID IT,GUYS! I GOT MY CUTIE MARK!" I scream at the top of my lungs. Expected praise,I'm presented with sheer horror. Ponies are staring,terrified,and I give only confused looks in return. It never occurred to me until just then to actually look at the mark I was so desperate for. I glanced at my right flank. It was...an olive? How was that scary? What did it even mean? Was I a martini maker,an olive picker,a sandwich maker? After the initial feared expressions,Diamond Tiara approaches me,choking on laughter. "Hey...Sam Wheich...might wanna take a look at yourself." she snorted,handing me a hoof mirror. I picked it up,and that's when I
let out this blood curdling shriek. My head was a damn sandwich. And my cutie mark was for being a sandwich headed freak. I stare,tears building in my non existent eyes,at my peers and run out of the schoolhouse. I run fast through the Ponyville streets,ignoring the looks and gasps all around me. I couldn't face my parents,and I'd likely have to exile myself from all of society. Alone,a mere tween colt,in the horrors of the Everfree Forest where I belonged.

Upon arrival to the base of the forest,I sat on a rock to catch my breath. Below me was a small pond full of piranha. I looked down at myself in the water's reflection,getting a good look at my hideously disfigured face. The golden brown toast housed fine deli meats,bologna and salami and possibly some bacon in there. Layered with crisp lettuce and provolone cheese. A pickle slips out of the bread,covered in honey mustard. I curiously pick up the pickle and eat it,finding my mouth and teeth fully functional surrounded by deli toppings and condiments. It's a tasty pickle,so I rip a piece off the sandwich,feeling no pain,and take a bite. It's delicious. I swallow it and look to the Everfree Forest. It seemed food wouldn't be much of a problem on the off chance I decide to live there for the rest of my life,but I didn't know any other survival tricks. I could still use my magic,but it was weakened with the incident. I couldn't find water,fight off timberwolves,or even make a decent shelter,for Celestia's sake!

As I contemplate my escape to exile,I hear that taunting,sinister laughter once again. Discord appears,hovering above the rock I'm sitting on. He's absolutely howling with laughter,taking a few minutes before he can speak,and even then,he's still cracking up.
"L-look at your face,Sammy. You look positively hilarious!" he sputters.
"Why the buck did you do this to me!" I quip.
"Uhm,hellooooo? Spirit of chaos,master of dicking around,I mean duh. But seriously,Sam Weich? Sandwhich? Get it?!?!?!? Bwahahahahahaha!"
"Real bucking mature,Discord,now change me back!"
"Uhm,no. You see,with your sandwich headed freak-a-tude,I finally have some influence over Ponyville. Which means everypony will remember and fear me again,and I can take over this little peasant town! Also the fact that you needed to learn a lesson."
"What lesson?"
"Be careful what you wish for,and never take candy from strangeeeeeeers!!!!!!" he laughs and flies away,leaving me to me exile.

I place my head and my hooves and sob. Honey mustard covers my hooves,leaving them sticky and delicious tasting. I had no idea where to go,how to live,who to turn towards. I made the biggest mistake of my life,and it was all because of a damn cutie mark. What kind moron was I? Sad,alone,and disoriented,I trot into the woods to find somewhere to sleep and hopefully get eaten by a manticore. Midway in,I find a Snoreandre bush. The berries that grew on them were good sedatives,and generally knocked somepony out for an hour a berry. I learned this in Miss Cherrilee's class. I grabbed a hooffull of the lavender berries and ate them. I became fatigued almost instantly,and passed out on the lush greenery,falling asleep as soon as I hit the ground,hopefully to never wake up.